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What is church supposed to be like?

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The Bible tells us that church is meant to be a loving community of believers who are dedicated to worshipping Jesus, serving one another and reaching out to the world around them with His love. Jesus says he comes to bring life in all its fullness. The church is meant to be a place where people can feel safe and grow into healed, healthy individuals, living life through Jesus in all its fullness (John 10:10). We, as Christians, are meant to shine brightly as a city set on a hill and be like salt in a broken world (Matthew 5:13-16). The church acts as a window to see what God is like and the Bible says that by our fruits the world will know who we are (Matthew 7:20).

 

Suffering harm at the hands of shepherds

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But churches can be contexts where pain and damage are inflicted at the hands of the shepherds who were meant to care for them and where authority figures exploit their power. Trauma can result where there is hostility towards constructive criticism, controlling behaviour, misogyny, racial bias, favouritism, ghosting, physical or sexual abuse. People suffer moral injury as they perceive the dissonance between their experience and the values that are preached and projected.

And the harm is compounded when perpetrators go unchallenged and are even facilitated to continue their behaviour.

Victims and concerned church members care deeply about their community and its shared values. They want things to be better and to prevent continued and future harm.

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However, concerns raised are often ignored, denied, dismissed, or met with sticking plaster solutions that fail to address structural or underlying issues. When we suffer harm from people who are meant to care for and support us, we can be left traumatised. We may need professional support, we may need to find a new church community and we will likely need a lot of time, space and understanding to feel safe again.

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Acknowledging wrong behaviour, even that of a revered and ‘successful’ leader, does not undermine the goodness of God. Rather, failing to recognise the suffering of those mistreated exacerbates their pain and denies God’s righteousness and care for all, especially those marginalised by society.

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Why do abuse and toxic behaviour happen in churches and Christian communities?

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We live in a fallen world: ‘all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God’ (Romans 3:23). It is possible for people, including leaders, to harm others unintentionally. As Peter Scazzero, author of the Emotionally Healthy leader says, it’s possible for leaders to be ‘unaware of what’s going on inside them, unable to process why we do what we do or why we feel what we feel’ perhaps doing ‘more activity for God than their relationship with Him can sustain’ and lacking ‘a sabbath/work rhythm’’[1] – that lack of awareness and personal resourcing can also lead to poor treatment of others through traits such as unexplored bias, poor communication, unwillingness to hear criticism and a simple lack of capacity to allow space for others and their concerns/gifts.

Also, there is no guarantee that Christian communities will be free of those who are ‘harmful or faithless’ – we see this in scripture through figures such as Judas Iscariot and Ananias & Sapphira. Jesus’ parables of the Sower and the Weeds [Matt 13] illustrate that some of Jesus’ followers are unfruitful. Speaker & author Natalie Collins highlights how the deceitfulness of wealth discussed in the parable can relate not only to money but ‘cultural capital, celebrity status, being applauded and celebrated and given high levels of power…churches are not full of safe people.’[2]

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Natalie goes on to write that abusive behaviour does not stem from deep pain, though recognising some abusers do need to deal with such issues,

‘abusive behaviour almost always stems from the ways an abusive individual benefits from their abusive behaviour.”[3]

Lastly, many churches have structural/cultural issues that allow and facilitate toxic or harmful leadership, these might include ‘toxic personalities, a lack of conflict resolution’ and ‘low accountability.’[4]  

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Raising concerns & reporting allegations

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It can be extremely difficult to report harmful behaviour, particularly if you are calling out the actions of a revered or prominent leader. It can be even tougher for those of us who have had previous negative experiences of authority figures or carers.

In a church setting, raising a complaint or allegation can be further complicated by our relationship with the person or people concerned – we may be on a team with them; they might have supported us previously or be close to another person who holds power. We may worry about how other people will be affected if the truth is unleashed. Sadly, many churches lack a clear mechanism for reporting issues or a culture of reflection related to power dynamics.

All of this can leave us feeling extremely vulnerable and alone.

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If you can, seek support from a trusted friend who can help you to prepare for raising the issue officially.

Tim Gough, one of the authors of the ‘Leadership Trap How to survive the Wounds and Escape the Scares of Toxic Leaders in Youth’ provides some excellent guidance for people experiencing toxic leadership. A brief step-by-step framework can be found for free via link in resources, below. Although aimed at youth workers, the principles can be applied more generally.

If you approach leadership with concerns/allegations and they are not taken seriously, it is time to escalate things, first through channels within the wider organisation e.g. diocese/church denomination and then to external bodies if the response continues to be inappropriate. Any illegal behaviour not taken seriously should be reported to the police.

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 Responding to Allegations & Concerns

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• Listen without judgement.

• Respond with compassion to those affected by abuse or mistreatment.

• Document thoroughly all concerns, events and actions taken.

• Report to local & regional leadership.

• Share facts with clarity, on a need-to-know basis.

• Allow external investigations – do not attempt to do this yourself and do not draw your own conclusions about any of the parties involved.

• Inform any relevant bodies e.g. insurers, the Charity Commission as laid out in your safeguarding policy.

• Put in place appropriate, preferably professional, support for victim(s).

• Get help from a trusted professional, external body if needed or if in doubt.​

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Establish & maintain a healthy culture

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It is important that churches explore theology around authority and dive into the biblical model of Jesus’ servant leadership. Ezekiel 34 and 1 Peter 5:2 helpfully speak about the analogy of leaders as shepherds as Jesus describes himself  (John 10:11). We should be creating a culture where everyone is deeply cared for and people are truly heard. Church communities should be safe contexts for healing and growth in emotional maturity as well as spirituality.

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Safeguarding

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Churches must discuss and promote safeguarding regularly: display posters with photos of safeguarding team members, hold safeguarding Sunday (resources linked below) and ensure the church has, maintains and implements robust policies.

Every church needs a safeguarding team of trained individuals, to ensure there are several individuals who can be approached regarding issues arising. At least some of the team need to be independent of the leadership management team for accountability and objectivity. Ensure that processes for raising complaints are clearly laid out and easily available to all. We strongly recommend drawing on additional support and specialist advice from wider church structures or external agencies e.g. Thirtyone:eight.

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Leadership

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Being a leader can be challenging. Everyone comes into leadership with their own personal template for the world, learned responses and baggage, some of which may result from past trauma. Ideally, leaders would be supported to explore their trigger points, insecurities and blind spots in a trauma informed and sensitive manner before taking on a role. However, the reality can be very different; with support lacking and overstretched resources leaving leaders lonely and vulnerable.

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How churches can take responsibility for supporting leaders

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• Establish and follow robust processes for recruitment for staff and volunteers - Thirtyone:eight provide guidance on this, which is linked below.

• Provide ongoing support for leaders and team members, including forums for peer support and reflective supervision - an objective space, with an experienced, external supervisor/mentor.

• Train leaders; include teaching on power dynamics and a regular rhythm of power differential audits should be established. The Right Use of Power Institute provides training and resources for this vital work.[5]

• Anticipate and provide space to address blind spots that become apparent due to insecurities, past trauma or insecure attachment, potentially professional counselling/therapeutic support.

• Ensure your church leadership has external input and accountability e.g. audits for safeguarding, power dynamics, communication conducted by someone with expertise from different denomination/context or appointing a trustee who is not a member of your church.

• Everyone can pray for their leaders.

 

How to lead with integrity

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Natalie Collins give this brilliant guidance:

• Reject opportunities to avoid normal accountability processes, even if it makes things easier.

• Ensure we are in regular contact with at least 3 people (not including an intimate partner) who can be truly honest with us when we mess up.

• Choose to talk about things you’d prefer not to and if you have done something we know was out of line, be honest about it.[6]

It is vital to root ourselves in God and to engage in spiritual practices which facilitate authentic relationship with God, with self, with others and creation and help us to give ourselves to goodness. It’s also important to cultivate gratitude in God – helping us to look to God rather than seeking thanks or celebration for ourselves. Finally, it is o.k. to take a break and seek help when we need it. Self-care is not a selfish or optional extra, it’s essential to good, sustainable ministry.

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Join the Dots can help

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Get in touch to find out how we could help your church, we offer several relevant workshops focusing on topics including:

• Self-care for teams

• Creating a culture of reality & facing adversity together

• Creating a trauma sensitive culture

We also run the following webinars which provide a brilliant starting point for exploring creating healthy cultures and caring for leaders:

• When Trauma Comes to Church - general overview of how we can become trauma aware and prevent re-traumatisation

• Navigating the prevention of Trauma - a leader's workshop 

• Self-Care in Ministry & Mission

Join our mailing list to hear about our upcoming webinars.

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Recommended Resources

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• Escaping the Maze of Spiritual Abuse: Creating Healthy Christian Cultures, Dr Lisa Oakley & Justin Humphreys.

• Hold Toxic Leaders to Account, Tim Gough in the Church Times:

• The Emotionally Healthy Church, Peter Scazzero with Warren Bird

• The Emotionally Healthy Leader, Peter Scazzero.

• The Leadership Trap: How to Survive the Wounds and Escape the Scars of Toxic Leaders in Youth Work, Tim Gough, Colin Bennett, Natalie Collins & Lauren Fox (Grove Books)

• Right Use of Power Institute https://rightuseofpower.org/start-here/

• Towards a theological definition of spiritual abuse, Dr Amy white (Grove Books)

• Self-care for compassionate Christians, Join the Dots (Free web resource).

• Why is the Church Hurting? Moral Injury in the church, Rhona Knight (Grove Books)

 

[1] https://research.lifeway.com/2019/12/02/4-traits-of-an-emotionally-unhealthy-leader/

[2] The Leadership Trap, How to Survive the Wounds and Escape the Scars of Toxic Leaders in Youth Work, Natalie Collins, p23, Grove Books Ltd, 2024.

[3] The Leadership Trap, How to Survive the Wounds and Escape the Scars of Toxic Leaders in Youth Work, Natalie Collins, p23-24, Grove Books Ltd, 2024.

[4] The Leadership Trap, How to Survive the Wounds and Escape the Scars of Toxic Leaders in Youth Work, Tim Gough, p16, Grove Books Ltd, 2024.

[5] The Leadership Trap, How to Survive the Wounds and Escape the Scars of Toxic Leaders in Youth Work, Natalie Collins, p24-25, Grove Books Ltd, 2024.

[6] The Leadership Trap, How to Survive the Wounds and Escape the Scars of Toxic Leaders in Youth Work, Natalie Collins, p24, Grove Books Ltd, 2024.